


02 - Reaching for Acceptance

by Caera1996



Series: The Basics of Primary Ed. 'verse [4]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-15 23:35:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caera1996/pseuds/Caera1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Occuring somewhere between Chapters 1 and 2 of "Learning As We Go", this story answers a request for something that delves a little more into her thought processes regarding her son's relationship with Jim, especially since she's so torn between seeing him happy and her own personally held beliefs. Jim is struggling too, with trying not to feel like he's being judged for who he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	02 - Reaching for Acceptance

Hannah settled into one of the comfortable armchairs in the living room, watching Joanna read to Jim where they sat side by side on the floor, the couch at their back. Leonard was on the phone, talking with someone from the hospital, and she used these few minutes to just think.

She realized she really couldn't remember the last time her son had looked so…happy. Really happy. Now that she was seeing it on his face and hearing it in his voice, she was beginning to realize that he hadn't existed like this with Jocelyn. Oh, he hadn't been miserable…but this…this was different. He was…lighter. He seemed more like he'd been a little younger. Before whatever happened to him in college, before he realized his marriage to Jocelyn couldn't continue, before he realized the nearly overwhelming responsibility of caring for and raising his baby alone.

And she was happy he was happy. Truly.

She just…didn't like why.

Jim seemed like a very nice young man. He was intelligent and talented in his chosen field. He'd done a marvelous job of coaxing Jo out of her shell. And he made her son laugh, and gave him something he'd been lacking in his life…connection to another adult.

But he was a man.

And what they were doing, sharing their bodies with each other, was not okay. It just wasn't.

She wanted Leonard to have a relationship with Jim…he needed other adults in his life…but as a  _friend_. They shouldn't be anything other than friends.

Jim looked up from the book he and Jo were reading, and caught her staring at him. She didn't mean to stare…she was really just thinking…but she didn't look away when their eyes met. She held his gaze, almost challengingly, and he looked back down at the book, a slight flush coloring his face. They finished their book, and Jim gently disengaged from Joanna, telling her he had to get home. She gave him a hug, then with the easygoing attitude who knew the adults were there for her, turned to Hannah to continue the stories.

Jim wished her a good night and headed into the kitchen, presumably to say goodbye to Leonard. Jo wanted her attention, and she put Jim and her son out of her mind, though the situation continued to weigh on her heart.

Leonard looked up and rolled his eyes, indicating that he was more than ready to end the conversation on the phone. Jim smiled slightly and leaned against the counter, folding his arms over his chest, unconsciously physically mirroring the closed off feeling he wasn't able to shake. Hannah made him feel…on guard. Like she was judging him personally, and disapproving of him. And he knew that he shouldn't be surprised by her attitude, but it was a lot harder to not take it personally. Usually he didn't really have a problem with that.

On the other hand, usually, he didn't care.

But he loved Leonard, and Jo, and so he cared what she thought. More than he wanted to. More than he should.

It took another few moments, but Leonard finally managed to get off the phone. He turned to Jim, casting a critical eye over him.

"How are things going out there?" he asked, tipping his head in the direction of the family room.

"Oh, fine," Jim replied. "Jo read me a story. She's gotten really good at that."

Leonard nodded. "You've done a lot for her, Jim. She's lucky to have you. We both are."

Jim smiled slightly, then pushed himself off the counter. "I think I'm gonna head out."

Leonard moved closer to him, wanting to reach out, but keeping his hands to himself. "You don't have to. Jo's going to bed soon…you could stay a while longer, we can put on a movie or something."

Jim shrugged and looked away. "Nah. I think I should get going."

Leonard heard what Jim wasn't saying…he was leaving because of his mother.

"Ma, I'm going to walk Jim out," he called, keeping his eyes on Jim. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"We'll be here, Son," Hannah called back.

"C'mon," he said, and this time did reach out for him, catching his hand and tugging him forward. Jim smiled and followed Leonard out of the backdoor. In the garden, Leonard turned to Jim and wrapped him in his arms.

"I love you," he said. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Jim replied, holding him tightly. They stood there for a moment, twilight gathering around them, just leaning into each other. After a little while, Jim reluctantly pulled away. "You should get back inside."

"I'll walk you to your car," Leonard said. "They're fine."

 

* * *

 

A couple of hours later Jo was in bed, and Leonard was making his mother a cup of tea. He carried both mugs out to the familyroom and carefully handed Hannah one.

"Thank you, Son," she said, taking it from him. She took a sip and observed Leonard as he settled on the other end of the couch. "Joanna seems to have taken quite a shine to Jim. He's very good with her."

"He's very good  _for_ her," Leonard replied. He paused, looking up at her. "He's good for me too, Ma."

Hannah cradled the mug in her hands, enjoying the warmth as she stared down into the tea. She had no idea what to say to that. She wanted to talk to him about this, but she didn't know how. She didn't know how to be objective about what was going on in her son's life. But she was trying. She loved him, and he was happy, and it wasn't her life. But this was her child, and it wasn't just his life she was worried about.

"I'm…happy you're happy," she said slowly. "But Leonard…"

"Ma," he said, cutting her off. "Let's just leave it at that for now. I know it's…" he stopped, shook his head. "Just…I thought I was going to be alone with Jo. I never thought I'd have anyone else in my life. And then…Jim was there. And he changed everything. Can't it be enough that I finally have someone? That I have someone I love in my life, and my daughter is happy and healthy? Why does anything else have to matter?"

 _Because_ _it_ _does,_ Hannah thought. But she kept it to herself.

She was trying.


End file.
